


there are no gods (so we cannot be them)

by TheNightbloodSolution



Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, F/M, Post 6x05, Season/Series 06, Season/Series 06 Speculation, i sobbed writing this so uhhh... yeah
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-30
Updated: 2019-05-30
Packaged: 2020-03-29 17:37:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,630
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19024714
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheNightbloodSolution/pseuds/TheNightbloodSolution
Summary: She’s not Clarke. God, she’s not Clarke. But that last word snaps what’s left of Bellamy’s heart into pieces.Together. A lever.Together. A starry night and a leap of faith.Together. A betrayal.Together. A new planet.It’s always together. It’s always the two of them. It’s always him, and it’s always her.---Bellamy goes on a quest to bring Clarke back.





	there are no gods (so we cannot be them)

**Author's Note:**

> My brain got too invested when speculating about what could happen next and an entire fic grew into being. Enjoy.

Bellamy trudged through the woods, Octavia, Diyoza, and Xavier flanking his sides. He moved faster than them, his strides longer as the sky grew darker in Sanctum.

His arms were full, but Clarke’s body lying in them felt like it weighed nothing. He just kept walking, faster and faster. Determined. For her.

He had only gotten out of Sanctum about an hour ago, fleeing with Josephine after administering a dose of the paralytic. Murphy had helped him break free and subdue her, but they both knew Bellamy had to run like hell. Whatever the cure was for this, in Sanctum or out of it, Josephine having access to her people was dangerous.

So Murphy was to stay and look for something, _anything_ to prove that the worst they believed was wrong. And Bellamy was to take to Clarke – _Josephine_ , to Raven, Echo, and Emori, and figure out a plan from there. That was what was supposed to happen.

Instead, the first people he ran into in the woods were his sister, Diyoza, and one of the Children of Gabriel, who called himself Xavier.

It was Xavier who made him change his mind about the plan, because Xavier said there was hope. He said Clarke could be saved.

And so he marched, Clarke’s paralyzed form lying still in his arms, following Xavier’s instructions. Hope is hard to come by, he wasn’t going to lose this.

“It’s not much farther to the Old Man.” Xavier says.

“You can’t trust him, Bell,” Octavia speeds up her pace, trying to match his strides. “The others said they didn’t even know if the Old Man was alive. He’s lying to you.”

Xavier snorts, “ _Tosh_ didn’t know if the Old Man was alive. Lucky for you I’m a lot more in the loop than Tosh.”

She snarls, “He’s still not trustworthy. He’s been searching for nightbloods this whole time. They _kill_ them. Their whole slogan is death to primes!”

Bellamy pauses, just for a second, but abrupt enough that everyone trailing stumbles a bit as they come to a halt. “To primes? But what about the people they were before?”

Xavier nods. “We kill primes. We _save_ hosts.”

“But-” Octavia starts.

“No buts,” Bellamy cuts her off. “We’re doing this. And if you’re lying to me,” he looks at Xavier, “I’ll kill you.”

Xavier smirks. “I’m not. I’ll help you get your girlfriend back, don’t worry.”

Bellamy doesn’t correct him. It doesn’t matter at this point. She’s… Xavier couldn’t understand the bond they had. What they were to each other. What they are. _Are. Are. Are._

The lifeless weight of Clarke is finally starting to get to him, suddenly heavier in his arms than ever before. “How much longer? I don’t know how long this paralytic is going to keep her under.”

“Not far,” Xavier answers. “How long has she been out?”

“About an hour.”

Xavier nods. “We’ll be good, the standard dose knocks you out for around two.”

Somehow, walking in silence is worse than stilted conversation. When his mind drifts to his sister, it hurts. He doesn’t even want her here, but feels strangely comforted that she is and he’s mad about that. When his mind drifts to Clarke, it hurts. She’s here in his arms, but the last real memory he has of her face is of a twisted smile, not Clarke. _Josephine_. And he’s mad about that. Diyoza’s uncharacteristically silent, and Xavier isn’t much for chatting. So, all Bellamy can do is think. About his sister. About Josephine. About Clarke. It hurts too much to hurt, so all Bellamy can be is angry.

“We’re here.” Xavier announces, stopping in his tracks. Bellamy can’t even register when the man started walking in front of him.

“It’s a bunch of bushes,” Octavia deadpans.

Diyoza pushes past her and kneels to the ground, running her hand over the soil, then under the bush. She looks up at Xavier. “Trap door?”

He nods. “Foliage has grown into a good cover for it. The only people who know about this place are the Old Man’s most trusted advisors.” He pushes through the shrubbery, leans down, and yanks up the latch, revealing a ladder, which he proceeds to climb down.

“We’re really just going to follow him?” Octavia asks. Skepticism lines her voice.

Diyoza shrugs. “We’ve come this far.” She makes her way down the ladder next.

Octavia follows.

Bellamy’s still holding Clarke, and he wishes he could look down at her and see peace. Like she’s his Clarke and she’s just resting, but her eyes are still frozen wide in terror from when he dug the paralytic into her side. Her mouth is hanging open slightly, shock evident all over her face. It’s not Clarke.

Before he goes down, Bellamy stops and looks to the sky. He doesn’t believe in God, but he still prays. To something, anything out there that can help him.

_Bring Clarke back. Please._

He hits the floor of the underground with a thud, then checks to make sure Clarke is fine. The impact has jostled her hair so it’s falling slightly in her face. He gently pushes it out of the way.

“This is the prime?” The voice is cracked and rusty.

The Old Man is an apt description. White hair frames his face, cascading down past his shoulders. A full beard covers his jaw, and his face is lined with wrinkles, etched irreversibly into his skin.

Xavier responds for him, “Yes.”

“You can set her down here,” The Old Man gestures to a slab in the middle of the room.

Bellamy eyes his surroundings. He was expecting a dark and dingy underground, but everything here is sleek and doesn’t look far from brand now. It’s a fully functioning lab. Computer monitors beep from all sides, invading his senses. There are cords and screens plugged in on every surface. It eerily reminds him of Becca’s lab.

Bellamy lays Clarke down on the table. “You can help her?”

“I can try,” The Old Man corrects. “I have a serum, an antidote of sorts. It should wake the dormant part of the mind, bringing back the host consciousness. After that, I have to remove the mind drive and destroy it.”

“Should.” Octavia cuts in. “It _should_ wake the dormant part.”

The Old Man’s face inexplicably becomes more wrinkled as he frowns. “I have tried the procedure before but it has never worked… fully. The people come back, but fragmented. Parts of who they once were. The prime is completely removed but the host consciousness still isn’t full in its own mind.”

Bellamy spins on Xavier. “You took us here for a procedure that never works?” He growls.

Xavier’s stoicism doesn’t break. “This is why we try to get the hosts _before_ the primes get to them. Why we kidnap children.” He looks pointedly at Diyoza, “If we grab them before the prime is implanted, they’re safe. Most of the time we’re too late. But at least this way, the prime is destroyed.”

The Old Man stays calm. “The procedure improves each time. Every time I bring a host back, they’re more complete. I’ve updated the serum. I’m as confident as I can be about this batch and if I’m being honest,” He looks Bellamy dead in the eye. “This is your best chance.”

Bellamy holds his stare. “Then do it.”

The Old Man nods. “First, I’d like to know which prime this is.”

_Josephine Lightbourne, nice to meet you._ The words echo in his mind.

Cold, unfeeling blue eyes bore into his skull. He remembers what it was like to be paralyzed. To know Clarke was gone and the person hovering over him was a cruel stranger. A murderer in the worst sense. Bellamy may have killed, but he sees their faces in his dreams. He could tell by just the sound of her voice that Josephine wouldn’t know remorse if it stared her in the face every day, which it did.

The name is on the tip of his tongue when his eyes meet the Old Man’s once again. They’re hidden by deep bags and wrinkles, but they’re tired, brown eyes. Heavy with burden, not unlike his own. He knows those eyes. He’s seen them somewhere. Where did he…

“Gabriel.” He whispers, putting the pieces together. The Old Man looks affronted and takes a step back.

“You’re Gabriel!” Bellamy shouts, stepping forward forcefully. “You did this to her, you son of a bitch!”

Xavier shoots forward and grabs Bellamy’s arms, yanking him back and restraining him.

“This is _your_ fault. You did this!” Bellamy screams.

For the first time, the Old Man’s voice wavers. “I didn’t mean to…” He looks down. “I never meant for this to happen.” His voice is thick with emotion. “I just wanted to bring Josephine back to live the life she never got to. She died so young… it wasn’t fair. I never thought they’d do this. Become this. Why do you think I’ve been fighting it for so long?”

“Trying to fix your mistakes doesn’t change the fact you made them,” Bellamy spits out. “I’ve lost people, you know. So many _goddamn_ people. But I never tried to cheat death.”

“What about now?” Gabriel gestures over to Clarke’s body, still lying motionless on the table, her limbs lying in restraints.

“Clarke _isn’t_ dead.” He grits out.

A sad smile paints Gabriel’s face. “For your sake, I hope not. Heartbreak and loss are the worst kinds of pain.”

Motion in Bellamy’s periphery grabs his attention. Clarke is stirring, moving against the restraints. Slight movement at first, then she’s yanking.

“Let me go!” She shouts. “Let me out of here!”

Not Clarke. _Josephine_.

Gabriel rushes over to grab to his med station and grabs a syringe, another one of the paralytics. He leans over her with the vial and she stops moving entirely.

Her eyes widen. “Gabriel?” She whispers, softer than he’s ever heard Josephine before.

Gabriel pauses, lowering his hand with the syringe.

“Gabriel, is that you?” She goes on, her gaze taking in his face. “What happened to your face?”

_I got old,_ Bellamy’s memory of the video jolts back to him.

“Josephine?” Gabriel questions.

Josephine nods.

Bellamy eyes the vial, lowered in Gabriel’s hand, nowhere near where it needs to be. “What are you waiting for?” Bellamy asks pointedly. “Let’s get started.”

Josephine must notice the paralytic in his hand because she starts shaking her head. “No. No, you can’t do this to me. I’m only here because of you. _You_ brought me back.”

Gabriel’s eyes well with tears, “I wanted you to live a life, Josie. Not seven.”

“Gabriel. _Gabriel_ , listen to me. You don’t have to do this.” Her voice is soft and broken, but carries an undertone Bellamy can’t place. She’s more similar to Clarke than he’s ever seen or heard, but it’s still _off_. There’s something hidden in her vulnerability. _Manipulation_. “This. All of this, it’s because of you. Because of your genius. I don’t know if I’ll ever understand why you ran, but we can still fix this. Your mind drive is still in tact, we can get you a new host. We can do this. _Together_.”

She’s not Clarke. God, she’s not Clarke. But that last word snaps what’s left of Bellamy’s heart into pieces.

_Together._ A lever.

_Together_. A starry night and a leap of faith.

_Together._ A betrayal.

_Together._ A new planet.

It’s always together. It’s always the two of them. It’s always him, and it’s always her.

Gabriel’s voice brings Bellamy back to the present. “Goddamnit, Josie, you still don’t get it. We’re not gods, Josephine.”

“But we _can_ be.” She argues, frustrated tears pricking her eyes.

Gabriel shakes his head. “I know God.” For the first time, Bellamy registers the cross hanging around his neck, a relic from the past. “And this isn’t Him.”

The syringe plunges into Josephine’s neck. Gabriel withdraws it quickly and she’s out, eyes fluttering for a moment before she’s still.

“I don’t believe in God,” Bellamy says. “But if you don’t bring Clarke back, you’d better hope He’s merciful.”

Gabriel says he needs space to work, but Bellamy won’t leave the room. Neither will Octavia or Diyoza. Xavier stays to keep an eye on them.

Gabriel grabs a fresh syringe of the shelf and fills it with a clear liquid, pouring carefully and measuring as he adds scoops of various powders.

“The refined antidote,” He clarifies, nearing Clarke and brushing her hair aside.

Bellamy doesn’t believe in God, but he still prays.

The needle goes into Clarke’s neck and Bellamy watches the syringe drain, painfully slow.

Clarke’s features don’t change; she’s still paralyzed.

“Did it work?” Octavia asks, impatient.

Gabriel shakes his head. “We won’t know till she wakes up. But first, I have to take out Josephine’s mind drive, which means surgery.”

“Where is her mind drive?” Diyoza asks.

He brings his own hand up and taps the back of his head. “Back of the neck.” He turns to Bellamy. “Can you help me flip her over?”

Once she’s face down, Gabriel starts the process, brushing Clarke’s hair away from her neck. Bellamy grimaces at the shoddy stitches and still bruised skin. He should’ve been there. He should’ve stopped it.

If Gabriel minds Bellamy’s proximity, he doesn’t say so throughout the procedure. Bellamy just stands there, holding Clarke’s limp hand, afraid to let go.

Bellamy can’t tell if it takes minutes or hours. All he knows is the feel of Clarke’s palm.

He keeps finding himself glancing at Octavia and catching her stare. Weirdly, instead of dropping his gaze, he holds it. He can’t help his heart finding comfort in it. For a moment, she’s not a murderer. She’s just his sister, and she’s there for him.

Gabriel carefully threads a needle and goes to work patching back up the bruised skin. His stitches look much better than the ones before. He sets down the needle and picks up the mind drive he removed.

He stares at it as Bellamy flips Clarke back over, adjusting her so she’ll be right side up when she wakes. The mind drive’s cool blue stares back at Gabriel, stares at everyone. Even Bellamy, who’s holding Clarke upright, can’t help but look at the mind drive. It looks so much like the Flame. Like the chip. But it’s a whole person… it’s Josephine.

“Never again,” Gabriel whispers, dropping the mind drive to the ground.

A thunderous crack reverberates throughout the lab as Gabriel stomps on the drive, reducing it to pieces. Pieces of Josephine fly everywhere, nothing but shattered computer parts now.

“Death to primes,” Xavier says, low and monotone.

Then, movement.

Clarke stirs in his arms and Bellamy feels his heart stop.

Then, the screams. Bloodcurdling and loud, she’s shrieking and shrieking. Octavia grabs her other side and holds her up.

Bellamy thinks this scream will haunt his nightmares.

“Clarke!” Bellamy cries, voice thick, “Clarke! It’s me. Come back to me, Clarke.”

The screams turn into panted breaths as Clarke pivots her head, eyeing Octavia, then Diyoza and Xavier, and finally, fixating on Bellamy.

Tears well in her eyes; her breathing slows. “Bellamy?”

“Oh my god, _Clarke_.” Bellamy sobs. He grips her shoulders and pulls her close. Octavia lets go and Clarke melts into his arms.

Her face is buried in his shoulder as she sobs into him. He cries, too. They’re both messes, in every sense of the word, with mussed up hair and tears streaming down their faces while they cling to each other like lifelines.

“I thought you were gone,” Bellamy manages to get out, though he speaks it into her hair.

“I couldn’t leave without you,” she admits, pulling him tighter. “I’m here, Bellamy.”

And she is. She’s here. _Clarke_.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Leave me a comment with any thoughts you have! I'm also on [tumblr](https://clarkgriffon.tumblr.com)


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